Thursday, December 18, 2008

The Hidden Dangers of Karaoke Singing

I am quite comfortable with singing: Hardly the statement that a Middle Eastern man would concede to easily. But this is the truth. I have been playing the Piano for as long as I could remember. I do not have an incredible voice but I don't miss the tunes and I always used to sing.
Let me tell you a fool proof way to impress girls:
All throughout my university days, I used to take girls to the music room, play the piano and sing for them. The outcome of this feat, I would like to assure everyone is far more guaranteed than the most fancy romantic dinner.

The least I can say about Miriam is that she was incredible. Damn pretty -of course- with the unique talent of being angelic and naughty at the mean time. She was also a social animal and an amazing singer (of course!)
I spent most of adolescent life dreaming about just a conversation with her. But to my ultimate misfortune, for the known recorded history, Miriam only dated one guy. Yes, you guessed it right: I was not a close rival. Not even in the same league.
While Bassel was taking an active part in maintenance and medical assistance for the Pharaohs Rally. The closest I got to desert and off-roading was the Discovery Channel and Sport Auto magazine.
His dad owned half of Hurghada (including two yachts) while my friends and I took the bus and cramped ourselves in a 3 stars hotel at the utter most. To cut a long story short, it is the same old story. While they were the typical university star couple , I blended in oblivions in the background.

One day, it just happened. Miriam and Bassel broke up. To the present day -nearly 10 years later- the reason behind this break up eludes everyone.
What happened after that was like a dazed dream. An "unplanned" introduction by a mutual friend, casual talks while going back and forth on campus and finally, me gathering my wits to ask for a coffee together. Yes, just like that. One coffee, lead to the other and we were on the right track. Now, when I look back, I realize that these "coffees" were among the very few times in my life where I experienced pure -totally unstained- happiness.

We are all going to Johnny's this Wednesday for Karaoke Night, I told her. Interested?
Yes, sure. She replied.
So that was it, our first night out. It would be a smooth sail from this point onward I assured myself. I will talk to her, she will say yes… Bye bye Bassel… for good.
Got there, everybody was having a good time and she told me let us sing a duet together. The idea pleased me so much. Yeah let us do it.
The song started, she sang brilliantly and then I was up.
Over the following 6 years or so after that, I asked myself a zillion times: What the hell has gone into me that night? I missed the opening, got out of tune, sounded like a mule in labor and then got so nervous and missed the lyrics themselves. An absolute disaster.
Joining back the rest of our crowd, I saw it in her eyes right away: Hesitation.
No way, I kept assuring myself. No one in his right mind would decide the future of a relationship based on a Karaoke Song. She did.
Half an hour later, Miriam said it was getting late and that she had to go home. I never heard of her again, ever.

Ten years, A wife, Two kids and two Porsches later, I still do not sing Karaoke. The reason: No one knows.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

The World Falls in Love With Older Women

It all started out more than a decade ago... Out of nowhere came the very successful series Sex and the City. The idea was really simple but highly appealing. Four single women, all above 30 (actually up to early 40s) living, loving and experimenting with everything in New York.
Telling their stories as well as hers was Sarah Jessica Parker or Carrie Bradshaw. The free spirited writer who tells her story, her friends stories and shares all of her thoughts on men, women and their intricate relationships in the Big Apple.
The series was based on the best selling book by the same name. The witty and sexy actresses and especially the vibrant Kim Cattrall secured the continuation of this series for Six consecutive seasons.
And a movie launched early in 2008.

This started out an entire wave in entertainment: Older Women Power.
All of a sudden, the world seemed to forget all about young talents. No more sloppy love adventures. The world fell unmercifully in the grip of experienced, powerful and capable-of-seducing -any feeble man Divas.
Women were obviously getting more like wine: They only got better with age.
Examples are many, for your viewing pleasure check out these ones:
- Desperate Housewives: Perhaps the most successful TV series in this category. It revolves around 4 middle aged women and their so called household adventures including everything from a quick sexual indiscretion with the young -just out of the gym- gardener to premeditated -cold blooded- murder.
Now 6 seasons down the line, cougars already increased to 6 instead of 4. We just can't get enough of them.
- Cashmere Mafia / Lipstick Jungle: Betting on these previous successes, TV producers got more and more greedy. They started pushing more series of older women on our screens. These are just two more examples for that.
However, it could not hold any longer. Lipstick jungle featuring Brook Shields, and the ultimately hot Lindsay Price season 2 will not be screened. Although some of season 2 episodes are ready. NBC officials first moved the show from prime time TV spot and then cancelled it altogether.
- The Women - the movie: A movie taking it even one step further. The movie starlets are -of course- way past their prime (Meg Ryan and Annette Baning) They occupy the screen for around two hours struggling against an unfair life. But no need to worry, at the end, they manage to pull it altogether. Everything falls in place as long you are sincere and you take matters into your own hands. An idea i as old as they are as matter of fact. The only young actress (Eva Mendez) is shown as a Bimbo who steals Meg Ryan husband and only appears in two scenes. Furthermore, the movie makes sure not to show any male figures all throughout. Come on!!! This is a BIT too much.

So, this is my humble cry to everyone concerned. Khalas, it is over please get back to young girls doing girly things with nice boys. We just had enough of Older Women Power.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Living in Cairo: A Little Tip

Today, I planned to take my wife to the movies. "We'll run just a quick errand on our way" she said. Being the good husband I am, I conceded. Leaving the building our Bawab approached me.

- Here is you laundry, he said
- Thanks Mohamed
- Aye Khedma ya Basha
I gave him a Pound

We drove to get a quick Birthday present for I don't know whom. Got in the shop, my wife was quick. Gift selected and wrapped. The lady packing the gift gave it to my wife and turned to me with a big smile.
- Koll sana wento taybeen..
I gave her a Pound

Getting out of the parking space, he appeared as usual out of no where.
- Ta3ala, ta3ala, ta3ala... Hop...
I gave him a Pound.

The roll of pounds in my pocket is getting thinner faster than anticipated, I thought.

We got in front of the cinema. Squeezed Calista between two humongous SUV's with customs plates.
We waited and they came. Two guys this time.
- Two pounds ya basha, one of them said
- Ok, when we re leaving, I replied.
- No.. Now, we are not going to wait till midnight, the other replied.
I gave them 2 Pounds

Get me some popcorn honey, I'll go quickly to the toilet.
While I was washing my hands, he appeared right over my shoulder with a small paper tissue in his hand.
- Koll sana wenta tayeb ya basha, he said in a husky voice.
I pushed the soap dispencer twice, rewashed my hands, hoping that he would go away. He didn't.
I gave him a Pound
And another Pound to the placeur (The guy who took you to your seats in the cinema, just in case you didn't know.)

Two hours and one dreadful movie later, getting out of the parking I spotted him running towards us from the very end of the road.
- Aywaaaa, Aywaaaa!!
The roll of Pounds in pocket finished. I just drove off.
I saw him in my rear view mirror curling his lips, weaving his hands in the air and heard him
- Bahwat Akher Zaman Sahih, Ekhss...!!!